Some reassuring news

What have I said about the waiting proiccess well my appointment was at 11:40 and I didn't get a chance to see him until 12:10. We sat in and he talked to us told us where we stood, surprising thing to me that he said is that they are still unsure of what I have. He said that the needle biopsy was suspicious of the cancer though not definate. Hence why they needed the larger sample. I have to admit when we left there I felt even better then went I went in. A lot of my questsions were answered. After work that night I got home and my brother was there, it's been over 2 years since my brother and I have spoken (looking back now it was stupid and pointles why we stopped). He asked me how I was and I showed him the growth, just looking into his eyes I could see how upset he was getting just seeing me like that and knowing what I may have...thinking fast I had to lighten up the mood (I know this is no laughing matter and yes I know how serious this is....but I don't like to see family and friends upset over me and hence for the jokes..) Said it wasn't so bad.....heck who else can say they had something Lemieux had...They had a section on the forms for the surgery asking about religion and church...my mom was like why do they want that..I said incase the doctor messes up....I siad that I know I hadn't stepped foot in opur church for a while and I hope the next time I'm not liing down when I go there. I'll be honest I do believe that all things happen for a reason, and who knows maybe this was just one thing to bring my brother and I back together...drastic maybe.....but it worked.

Worst day yet

Well Monday came around and as much as I didn't want to know I had to find out. I ended up calling the surgeons office to see if they had any results. The receptionist informed me that nothing had come in, but that she would check with the Surgeon to see if he had any news. well the Dr came on the phone and told me that it was what they expected...Hodgkins. He also informed me that the sample that he had from me wasn't good enough and thye would need a larger sample to determine the type of chemo...now that I htink of it this makes no sense. Needless to say I was a mess, as much as I had prepeared myself for this day I wasn't ready for it. and yes as much as people say it's cureable and you'll be alright it's still hard to handle or even understanding this thing growing inside of you. My mom called my Family doctor to get some more information we were told that Wednesday would be the earliest we could get in. For the next 2 days I was not myself. On tuesday it was my breaking point, I just started feeling worse (phsycological maybe). It took me 3 hrs to get home when I got home I didn't want to do anything but be alone, I basically forced myself to eat then headed up to my room where I spent the rest of my time alone. I must have slept atleast 12 hours. I woke up the next morning feeling somewhat a bit better...Still a little depressed both myself and mom and dad headed off to the family doctors

Hoping for results

I ended up going to work that afternoon and it was probably the only thing that kept my spirits high..A it kept my mind off of things and B the kids there just lifted me ....not sure if they could sense something was wrong (as I have found kids can do quite well) or what it was but I had them coming up saying how they missed me in the morning and giving me hugs. I decided to still keep it from co-workers until I was 100% sure, I did have quite af ew ask me if I'd been sleeping well or what was wrong I didn't look or act like myself..I just told them I was fine. During that week I did a lot of looking up on the internet (grying too can't forget that) reading up on the topic. What I read about the symptoms and such was it was hereditary...asked both my parents and this was something not in our family. Also said stuff about vomiting, night sweats, itchyness..all of which I didn't have. The only 2 things I did have was the enlarged glands and the fatigue. Still it seemed the more I read the more scared I got and upset. Just reading the side effects of treatment and the realization that I may have some form of cancer got to me. The doctors said it was cureable buit I was reading how life expectancy is only 20 years after...that would make me 47...can this be possible. I have to say my Canada Day was anything but greatest...I spent most of it alone trying to understand why... I don't smoke I don't do drugs (never have never will) I drink but that's like once in a blue moon..But as they all say everything happens for a reason and I'm sure someday I may realize why this did. I called July 2nd to find out if any results were in...My luck they were closed until Monday...great more waiting...